


The perfect crack

by DoctorFatCat



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: A parody of itself basically, Ass Play, Canon Compliant, Crack, Dom Yoo Kihyun, Fluff and Crack, Hand Jobs, M/M, Magic, Rimming, Showki, Smut, everyone else is just there for a scene, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 10:04:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorFatCat/pseuds/DoctorFatCat
Summary: “You must uncrack yourself before you get to that crack.”OR: this is a crack fic. in both senses of the word.





	The perfect crack

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrtvejpes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrtvejpes/gifts).



> Hi please quick disclaimer: don't ???? randomly eat people's asses. Make sure they're clean first!! That's not hygienic ok. This is fiction.  
> -  
> Finally a new showki to put me on my whipped crumb eater place again. God bless. I wonder if y'all thought I had been abducted?  
> I have to obviously thank Bára for being a crackhead about Hyunwoo's peach with me because sometimes being thirsty alone can be so terribly lonely and not fun at all. Though this time, it took a funny fic and maybe good smut from me, and considering how badly I've doing with writing recently, this is a miracle.  
> Thank u Báwwa ;-;

 

**_“Crack while licking crack.”_ **

**_\- The Bára York Times, 2019_ **

 

**_“Someone's anal better not be alive at the end of this.”_ **

**_\- Bára Austen, 2019_ **

 

 **_“You must uncrack yourself before you get to that crac_ ** **k.”**

**_\- Bára R. R. Martin, 2019_ **

 

**_“I am writing crack smut.”_ **

**_\- Mayuki S. Lewis, 2019_ **

 

**_“Good to know kihyun’s gonna eat so well!”_ **

**_\- George Alex Orwell, 2019_ **

 

* * *

 

 

Once upon a time, on Twitter™, such a conversation happened:

 

this is such a sad world in which we dont get to eat that ass

but i hope someone does *clenches fist as a tear runs down*

**@SkinnyPHDDog**

 

kihyun we put our faith in thee

**@deaddogbutinczech**

 

i hope he feels me staring daggers at the back of his head metaphorically to dO IT

like no pressure but as twice said: yes or yes

**@SkinnyPhDDog**

 

(somewhere in korea, kihyun climbs under the table, hypnotized, and starts slurping away. the rest of mx get up awkwardly and go finish their breakfast to their rooms.)

(nunu blushes.)

**@deaddogbutinczech**

 

*********

 

Friday, the morning of 2019. Fellow kpop boygroup Monsta X sat at their dining table while having breakfast together.

On one side of the table, sat Lee Hoseok, Yoo Kihyun, and Lee Minhyuk. On the other side were found Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun and Chae Hyungwon. Their leader, Son Hyunwoo, sat at the head of the table, slowly munching on his cereal and wearing his prescription black rimmed glasses.

It was a normal day.

But then, it wasn’t.

All of sudden, something overcame the main vocal of their group. Something no one quite noticed as he raised his head and fixed his eyes on the leader. He felt something. An _urge._

_He needed to munch on that peach._

His eyes flashed green, but again, no one noticed, too engrossed by their food or the fact they were maybe still half asleep. Kihyun was a man, on a _mission._

Minhyuk was maybe the first to notice, followed by Changkyun. They both watched as the brown haired man put down his chopsticks and slowly pushed back his chair, and got under the table. Once he was hidden under it, the other members looked at each other curiously.

Changkyun was the one who decided to peek under it, and all he saw was Kihyun slowly crawling to the end of the table. He looked back up, and frowned to the others, bottom lip jutting out to inform them he does not know what their main vocal is doing either. For some reason, none of them dare to question him about it, and half of them seem to give up trying to understand, telling themselves Changkyun’s done weirder things, and going back to eating.

One of those people was the leader, who now kept eating his cereal, chubby cheeks full and face slightly bloated from sleep, bare of any makeup, making him look even softer, cuddlier, squishable.

Kihyun dared to agree with such statements.

Only Jooheon stared curiously at the surface of their dining table, as if he could see through it, wondering what was going on with his hyung. And then, all of sudden, the leader’s expression changed. He jolted shyly on his seat, and slid down a bit, face and ears growing red by the second.

Jooheon squinted, and noticed Hoseok was also frowning at the leader’s behaviour. The older seemed to be about to speak, ask what was going on and what Kihyun was doing under the table. But then a hand on his wrist stopped him, and he looked up to meet Minhyuk’s eyes, which pinned him down promptly. Hoseok was confused.

Only a second later, he was speechless.

Hyunwoo’s hips shifted, and he stared furiously at his bowl of what was now probably soggy cereal, glasses sliding down the bridge of his flushed nose. He bit his bottom lip and sighed, and a suspicious wet sound had Changkyun clutching onto his plate and mug and running out of the room and into his bedroom instantly.

Under the table, Kihyun held the leader’s thighs up as much as the table over his head would allow, and his tongue teased the pucker of his asshole, leaving it wet, twitching, and asking for more.

Not even five seconds later, after Hyunwoo gasps at a suck around his rim, the living room was empty, devoid of the five remaining members and their meals, and Hyunwoo doesn’t have the time to feel mortified with how good Kihyun feels on him.

The leader cannot comprehend. He doesn’t understand what’s actually going on and what made his friend and bandmate decide to sneak under the table, pull down his underwear — he had just thrown on a shirt after waking up, to be a little more decent — and eat him out like his ass is more delicious than his actual meal.

 _Fuck._ Kihyun is having him for breakfast.

The dumb and cheesy thought has his dick hardening impressively fast, and soon he’s moved his hand down to thread his fingers through the younger man’s hair as he licks at him while alternating between maddening pressure and gentleness, surprising Hyunwoo whenever he thinks he’s got a grip of his rhythm.

Then Kihyun pulls away after a suck, tilts his head up to give a delicate kiss to his sack and looks into his eyes. Hyunwoo’s throat closes. He looks breathtaking looking up at him like that, like he loves to drive the older crazy.

“Kihyun, I-” Hyunwoo starts, but gets interrupted.

“Let’s get to the couch,” he says. Not a demand, more like a suggestion that’s really hard to resist.

Hyunwoo’s being pulled up in the next two seconds, wondering if in his dazed state he didn’t notice how Kihyun got out from under the table, and how quickly this man moves when he’s put his mind onto something.

He guides Hyunwoo by the hand, lays him down gently on the couch, on his back, and starts pulling off his shirt slowly, giving him enough time to refuse in case he wants to keep it on.

“What if one of the boys walk out?” Questions the older, feeling his ears hot as the fully clothed smaller and younger male pushes his legs back, fully aware of how flexible he is, and he goes so easily with it, like their bodies work in sync.

“Then they’ll be lucky enough to see you like this,” sighs the younger. “So beautiful.”

Hyunwoo feels his cock twitch against his belly, and lets Kihyun push his legs back until they’re literally basically behind his ears, almost knocking off his glasses. He feels like a human pretzel.

And Kihyun’s gonna eat him so well.

“Do you really think so?” The older asks, face flushed, looking down at Kihyun as he’s lowering himself to have his lips on him again. His head snaps up, and he looks at the older with big, almost surprised eyes. Hyunwoo almost hates himself for saying anything when Kihyun moves away.

The younger moves up, still looking at him, in his eyes. Kihyun cups his face, and he kisses him. Draws in a breath, and suckles softly on his bottom lip. His hand runs down Hyunwoo’s body, rests on his thigh, and the older gasps against his lips at (1) the position he’s in and how strangely enough it’s not awkward to kiss Kihyun in it and (2) how close his hand got to where he twitches to be touched, but also so so far away from actually touching it.

“You’re the most beautiful sight, hyung,” mutters Kihyun, and he moves away slowly now, kissing down Hyunwoo’s chest and down his torso before he’s putting his hands on his thighs and globes of his beautiful behind.

Hyunwoo lets out a mediocre try at breathing out Kihyun’s name as the younger licks a stripe across his fluttering hole. He wonders what he must really look like. Doesn’t he look ridiculous like this? All folded and tangled, spread out in a way that’s maybe too obscene? Why is it then that the younger looks up at him with those hooded eyes as he sucks and kisses the pucker of his entrance, like he’s the most arousing thing he’s ever laid his eyes upon?

He’s not sure, but it makes him swell in a weird way, with both pride and fondness, feeling like he maybe deserves to be looked at this way, and that he most definitely wants the person who gives him such looks to be Yoo Kihyun.

Who, speaking of which, is actually so good at eating ass the taller man can’t hold back the small soft noises that slip from his lips. He’s not that vocal, but his face says it all, and Kihyun seems to be enjoying it very much, with how he circles his him with the very tip of his tongue, and then very lightly pushes at his entrance, fully aware it teases the older in such a way his stomach clenches and he gasps.

Kihyun pulls back for a second to draw in a breath, and he looks like even that second is too long to be away from Hyunwoo. He rubs his tongue against it, makes a point of tracing every little ridge with his tongue. And he’s vocal. God, he makes noises like he’s enjoying it so much.

Hyunwoo’s brows frown, and he feels himself squeezing around nothing at a particularly harder poke at the softness right after the ridges of his asshole, where he feels a discomfort at not being touched at properly, almost like an itch that really bothers you, but you’ve got your hands full. His hands are preoccupied, yes, but Kihyun’s tongue very much isn’t, and it would be fucking great if he actually-

Kihyun’s tongue slips inside steady and slow, unexpected, and so soft and warm it has Hyunwoo biting on his bottom lip, bringing his brows together, hidden slightly by the rim of his glasses, and keening at the feeling. As it seems, the younger didn’t like the idea of his hyung having to clench his pretty asshole around absolutely nothing. _Obviously_ he had to do something about it.

A sigh, as groan, a gasp. The little hushed sounds Hyunwoo makes are so endearing to Kihyun. The way he holds back his legs even though he doesn’t actually _have_ to. He wonders, very briefly why he never did this before, and scraps the thought since he’s doing it at the moment, and couldn’t really care that much about the past when such interesting future poses itself.

He fucks the leader with his tongue, slow and firm, feels up his legs and his buttocks with his hands as he pushes inside, revelling on the soft sounds that come out of Hyunwoo and how he squeezes around his tongue as if asking for more. Kihyun chuckles.

Looking up, he watches the way the older’s lips are parted. Takes in how his face scrunches up like a pouty kid and he basically chokes on all the sounds that never come out, giving way to small whimpers and heavy breathing. The sounds Kihyun makes are very quiet and wet squelches, which sound like absolute music to his ears.

He considers, at a very whipped and reckless moment, recording the older the next time they do this, and sneaking both his pleasured sounds and the slick noises into a melody. Kihyun forgets the ridiculous thought, making a mental note to laugh about it later with his hyung once he’s satisfied after a good orgasm and aware enough to feel embarrassment at the idea. He decides to provoke him in the ways he can at the moment: by sucking around his rim while he pushes his tongue in and out.

Judging by the sound he makes, Hyunwoo seems to enjoy it very much. Kihyun continues with it, uses his hands to press his fingertips down firmly onto the older’s toned body, feel the sturdiness. Hyunwoo seems to try to rock against his mouth, but with absolutely no leverage due to the fact his legs are up by his head, he isn’t very successful.

The younger man pulls away with a longing last lick before he’s looking up to once again meet Hyunwoo’s eyes. The older maintains the gaze, expression pitiful as he seems to be on the brink of begging for him to proceed. His glasses are slightly fogged. Kihyun exhales, loves the way he looks the more affected he gets by his ministrations.

Kihyun stares, watches a bit how the older’s wet cock drools onto his tanned stomach, how his droopy balls seem so full, unlike how they usually look when he’s changing (Kihyun totally doesn’t stare), due to how they coil up against the shaft, making them look fuller and not that hung. Hyunwoo’s honestly so hot, to his dense happy trail, long neglected cock to his droopy balls and his twitching hole. He moves his head up, kisses softly the older’s sack once again, and then slots his lips right under it, swiping his tongue over his perineum. Hyunwoo whimpers, unaware he could even feel so good being touched there. It feels absolutely intimate, like it’s a secret that Kihyun’s just found out about all by himself, by taking his time and mapping his body.

Then the younger takes one of his balls in his mouth, moans around it like he tastes amazing, and Hyunwoo is so embarrassed and turned on his body doesn’t understand if he should just take it or bring his legs down and close them to preserve his modesty. He doesn’t dare to try and close them, because when the younger sucks on the other one, his cock dribbles like crazy.

Kihyun’s mouth leaves him with a soft hum, and he pulls back to stare down at his cock longingly. He leans in, his lips ghost over the length from base to tip, provoke, tease, and then he finally lets them touch the wet head, moves his closed lips over the very sensitive part on the underside, and it has Hyunwoo emitting the loudest noise he’d made all night. He watches, watches desperately as Kihyun’s lips part slowly and his tongue drags out, and he licks slowly at that same spot, and his poor cock weeps. He wants to cry; it feels so agonizing and so _good._

The younger dares to suck on it, moves his lips and tongue right there on that little bundle of nerves right under the head like he’s giving his cock a french kiss, and Hyunwoo feel strangely jealous of it for a second. And then Kihyun pulls away, kisses gently down the saft, drops a kiss on each of his balls.

A promise of tomorrow; a promise of maybe later today.

His lips find their previous occupation, and Kihyun’s thumbs place themselves on his inner buttcheeks, right where his cleft forms and his puckered hole is twitching, and uses them to spread him a little further.

The position is starting to hurt, but Hyunwoo doesn’t want to move, feeling like it would break the moment. He wants to be like this, wants to come like this.

Hopes it’ll be soon.

“Kihyunie,” He breathes, feeling his cock throb violently, and his hole flutter uselessly against the tip of the younger’s tongue.

Kihyun listens, and more than that, starts sucking onto his hole again, the dirty slurping noises coaching out louder noises from Hyunwoo, who seems desperately close to reach it, but not quite there yet.

The younger’s hand sneaks up, wraps itself around the head of his cock, and his thumb rubs the frenulum, already so wet with precome the slide is smooth. Hyunwoo gasps, dares to bring down a hand to tangle in Kihyun’s hair and holds a leg up with his arm, even if his calves let loose on accident and knocks his glasses off his face and onto the floor, he doesn’t give a fuck at this point. He wants to come with Kihyun’s tongue in his ass and his hands around his comically soaked dick, and fuck any other casualty.

“Kih-” he tries, but soon it’s too late to warn, and his thighs are shaking from both strain and the build up to this moment.

Hyunwoo’s stomach clenches, and his brows furrow and meet, eyes almost clenching shut and lips jutting out just in the slightest in a pout, his chin tucking in tight against his chest. He makes a strangled noise, like a whine, a desperate one, and looks like he’s about to break out in tears on the spot but the amount of overwhelmness that overcomes him right there. His cock pumps out thick cum fast and desperately onto the younger’s hand and his stomach, as if screaming out a “hallelujah!”. His poor asshole clenches around Kihyun’s tongue, and he lets out one last whimper before he sags, and untangles his legs so fast they almost knock Kihyun out.

Kihyun thinks it’s a pity to have to stop ravaging Hyunwoo’s puckered hole, but with one last longing gentle suck, he lets go, and sits up. The older’s grimacing, maybe from the strain from his legs and back. He’s also panting heavily, looks completely worn out after coming so hard.

“Like that?” Asks Kihyun with a kind and just on the verge of teasing smile, gently massaging his thighs.

Hyunwoo nods quickly, still catching his breath, and his gaze goes from the ceiling to the man in front of him, his sparkly eyes, and then to his tented crotch. “Let me help you too?”

Kihyun doesn’t have the heart to deny.

He lets the older stubbornly sit up, and start pulling down his shorts and underwear. He doesn’t take them off all the way, or his shirt, thinking Kihyun looks hotter like this, in his stay-at-home clothes, pulled down just enough to whip out his hard cock, like he’s just been caught red handed. Which no one can really say they weren’t.

He kisses Kihyun, tugs at his fat cock and moans quietly at the feeling, promising himself he’ll have a talk with Kihyun to ask if they can keep doing this. He can tell just by the feeling and weight of the cock in his hand, he wants to taste him, have it inside him in some way.

Hyunwoo even considers them doing it sneakily in front of the members again, and testing to see if they’d even notice. His own cock twitches tiredly in interest.

Kihyun tugs at his hair, pinches his nipples, and kisses Hyunwoo sloppily as the older fists his cock until he’s coming all over his clothes.

They lie there, Hyunwoo flops on top of Kihyun, naked and sore, and nuzzles his face against his clothed chest. “That was something,” he comments rather casually.

Kihyun chuckles, because of course that’s something Hyunwoo would say. “Yeah, it was.”

Inhale. Exhale.

“Do you want to do it again some other time?” Questions the older.

“Absolutely,” Kihyun promises before the older’s even done with his sentence, and brings his hand down to his nape so he can tilt his head up and kiss him silly.

He also briefly wonders if the company will have to pay for psychotherapy for his bandmates.

  


*****

 

it was your idea!!!

**@SkinnyPhDDog**

 

YOU CAME WITH THE GLARING AT KIS LIL HEAD

**@deaddogbutinczech**

 

ITS MY JOB TO MAKE SURE NU'S ASS IS BEING WELL TAKEN CARE OF!!!!

**@SkinnyPhDDog**

 

omg. are we now the guardians of the gate.

the pucker patrol?

**@deaddogbutinczech**

 

***dramatic piano endscreen song plays***

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk if yall ever questioned my sanity before but if not then i feel like this should be it kjhfddfghj  
> my twt and cc are also @DoctorFatCat and bára's twt is @mrtvej_pes  
> hope you enjoyed!! drop a comment if you did uwu


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